


horribly addicted

by lafemmestars



Category: Oxenfree
Genre: AU (sort of), Angst, Drug Use, F/F, Making Out, Other, Post-Canon, Underage Drinking, and like all that jazz, cause yo this cast does not have a lot of snitches so like gotta have some people man, sleeping together but not sleeping in that way, some characters in canon that are mentioned in game are in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:33:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafemmestars/pseuds/lafemmestars
Summary: (Please please read tags before reading!!)Addiction is like a whirlwind of emotion, never the best thing.Being addicted to love was the same, completely wrong in her situation...Both are easy to compare, very similar and both horrible situationsSo why did she want her so badly?





	1. addiction

**Author's Note:**

> I mean this fanfic gonna be sad but I promise Alex and Clarissa are happy at the end.

It was hard not crying. 

Love usually was happy, it was something you entrusted another person with. It was giving your heart to someone else and having to believe that they would never hurt you. Emotionally or physically. Sometimes it just didn't work, and sometimes... Sometimes it was like being in a wonderful paradise.

But sometimes, it was a heinous mixture of both, a brew of emotions. Usually it would work out, things would become normal again. 

That wasn't the case as Michael stood up, glancing over at his younger sister. Once she looked up he noticed a slight glint of guilt in her blue eyes. 

He was reminded of water when he looked at them, the rolling waves on the shore, the way they seemed to match stormy waters in certain lighting, and how they looked like a ocean sunset. 

Everyone around them had started to whisper, gossiping quietly and looking at him with piercing stares. All eyes were on him, but not in the way they usually were. He pulled Alex up, a gentle grip on her arm as he took her outside of the dimly lit room and out into the night with fresh air.

"Alex, please, tell me..." His voice was quiet, on the verge of tears obviously. She could tell when he was, it wasn't a very common thing though. For a few long moments, the silence filled the air around them, then she shook her head. 

"I have no idea what she did..." She said quickly, looking down at the ground. "I mean I'm not like her chaperone or anything." 

"I know that, I just... They said she was kissing some girl..." He mumbled and stared at the pale moon, frowning and looking quite puzzled.

"It just makes me scared..."

"... You know she loves you. Besides, this is truth or slap, anyone would do anything to slap Clarissa by making up some lie! I think you should stick with how you feel. Don't let others wrongly influence you." She watched as he slowly nodded, then stepped closer and embraced him. 

"But you should be able to... like trust your partner?" She mumbled softly and pat his back. He had hugged back stiffly, not able to get the thought out of his mind. He finally pulled away, then stared at the midnight sky, admiring the glittering stars sadly. 

"Promise me that whoever you love, if you ever do find someone, you'll be as honest as possible with them." She listened to his advice, then simply nodded and stared at the ground. 

He paced back inside as Alex watched. She didn't say anything, instead she looked up and marveled at the diamond-like sky. Shimmering, but dull. 

A loud creaking noise from the door filled her ears, but she didn't look to see what the cause of it was. She knew. It was too evident to not know. Burnt cigarettes and cheap wine filled her nose as two arms pulled her into a tight embrace. Slowly, she turned her head.

"Hey Alex."

"Hi Clarissa." Clarissa had her arms around the shorter girl, head resting on her shoulder. Alex felt her cheeks redden as she put her hand on one of Clarissa's arms. "Listen, I don't.... I don't know if I can keep going on like this y'know? I can't stand letting Michael feel more heartbroken than he already is..." She mumbled as Clarissa pulled away, nodding slowly. 

"I get it, um... Should I tell him?" 

"... that's the stupidest idea ever."

"Well I'm not sure what to say! 'Oh yeah, by the way I'm really sorry, I made out with your sister and I'm breaking up with you to be with her!'" 

Alex groaned and shook her head, light brown hair swinging as she frowned. "Not so loud! It's hard for me too, he's my brother, I live in the same house as him! Plus, I care very much for him!" Imagining him trying to feign happiness just so she could be happy made her stomach flip. She rubbed her arm and stepped away slightly.

"I feel horrible." She whispered to her, letting her eyes wander off to look at their surroundings. 

"I know, trust me, I do too. It feels like... Like I'm about to tell him 'yeah just kidding I don't love you'."

"Please stop, that's making it worse!" 

"Okay, okay! I'll stop..." She noticed how anxious the shorter girl seemed, how she begun to pace slightly. 

Clarissa took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly, trying to smile and make her feel better. She could see Alex's profile outlined by the moonlight, shoulders becoming less tense. She put her hand on her cheek, which felt warm despite it being chilly that night. Alex leaned into her hand, closing her eyes and smiling slightly.

"You love me a lot right?"

Clarissa nodded and leaned close, about to meet her lips, but instead stoped when they were too close. She brushed her lips against hers, surprised how soft they felt. "I want to kiss you... I just..." She moved her hands down to her arms, gripping them slightly. Alex felt her face heat up completely as she tilted her head slightly, allowing Clarissa to kiss her if she'd like. 

"Then do it..." She mumbled enticingly before pulling away.

"...When we won't get caught." She added quickly as she walked back inside, the taller girl trailing behind her.

"What if people ask what we were doing outside?"

"Say we were bickering. Something of that sort."

The smell of cigarettes and cheap wine still lingered around her, quite intoxicating to her. She loathed it, but she also loved the smell.

Once inside, Alex parted ways with Clarissa, walking upstairs to Michael's room and stepping over other people to sit down by her older brother. He gave her a small smile and wrapped his arm around her, ruffling her hair.

"You should re-dye your hair." He suggested as Clarissa sat next to him quietly, watching him mess up her hair. 

"I've been thinking about it actually!" She said, slightly letting her eyes wander to Clarissa. She gave her a small smile, which to her surprise was returned. 

_God, she just wanted to kiss her._

But then Michael turned back to look at Clarissa, taking the same hand she held and softly whispering close to her ear. Slowly, Clarissa had nodded to whatever he had said, then they stood up and left the room, but no one else seemed to notice much, besides a few people glancing over.

Alex picked up a beer bottle, pressing it up against her lips and drinking the cool liquid. It was best to drink and forget in her opinion once in a while.


	2. cares? regrets?

A few days had passed since the party, which Michael took all the blame for from their parents. Alex felt as though maybe she should’ve also took at least half of the blame, but he insisted otherwise. Of course, she had managed to get herself into her own mischief.

So there she was, legs wrapped around Clarissa’s waist as she tangled her fingers in strands of her incredibly soft crimson hair. She gasped suddenly when she felt her lips against her neck and closed her eyes quickly. Surprisingly, it felt wonderful to her. She felt the other stop at one spot, gently nipping and kissing it, which made Alex blush even more than she already was. Clarissa knew how much she loved it as she gripped at her hair and pulled her closer, then slowly and teasingly rubbed the now slightly purple skin that formed slightly on her neck. 

Alex stretched out, putting her hands on the edge of the table and pushing herself up so she can sit up. The taller girl smirked, running her fingers through her hair and kissing her cheek. “I think I should dye your hair now. I did tell Michael I was going to do that.” She told her, fiddling with her mousy brown hair and kissing her cheek again. Alex nodded in agreement, then got up and walked with Clarissa to her bathroom. She never really had been in her house, but the few times she did come over it seemed like one or both of Clarissa’s parents were never there. It was strange, but she never pried about it. 

Most of the times Michael saw them both, and Clarissa said that her parents both adored him. From her own experiences, Alex felt like her parents maybe tolerated her. She wasn’t too sure. Besides, for all they knew she was just the little sister of Michael. Nothing more, nothing less.

Clarissa had her sit on a small stool and filled the sink with water. Alex watched her in silence, feeling the familiar feeling of guilt fill her stomach, like the water filling the sink. It was like a horrible aftertaste to eating something she didn’t like. She looked to the taller girl, wondering about what she was thinking about as she pulled some latex gloves and prepared the bleach to start off. 

“Hey, um… What did you and Michael talk about? … When he uh… Pulled you aside.” Alex managed to mumble as Clarissa stopped to listen to her. She slightly shrugged as she pushed some things off to the side of the counter. 

“Nothing really. He just expressed concern over our relationship, so I… I told him maybe we should consider a break?” It was like she was’t exactly sure herself where their relationship stood. 

_~~Truthfully, she didn’t.~~ _

“He agreed.” She quietly added, kissing Alex’s forehead, then going back to turn off the water. Alex dared not question any further, instead she awkwardly let the silence set in. The water dripping from the faucet became more pronounced as time passed. It became a easy rhythm Alex memorized quickly, tapping her nails against the stool rhythmically. 

She tried to not think of her brother.

~~~~~~~

Time kind of seemed to be going slow, but eventually Clarissa had finished up and let Alex do the rest herself. For at least a few days, she’d have to be a blonde. Alex turned the light off the bathroom, then walked to Clarissa’s room as she pulled her hair back up into a ponytail. The door gave a familiar creak when she opened it. 

Clarissa’s room was pretty much what you’d expect and older woman’s room to look like. It was slightly bare, save for a few pictures of her and Nona and one picture of her and Alex. The picture of course was her shoving her into the pool, but still it was a picture of them together. Clarissa had laid out on her bed, scrolling through something on her phone. She didn’t acknowledge Alex as she walked in, which she didn’t mind, and continued to scroll. 

Alex laid next to her, and made herself quite comfortable, snuggling up to her and closing her eyes. The taller girl smiled and wrapped her arm around her, then put her phone down on the bed. “You’re like a little kitten.”

“Am not. I’m a feisty lioness if anything.” She mumbled back tiredly.

“Keep telling yourself that. I bet most lionesses can swim.” Clarissa shot back, a small smirk forming on her lips.

Truthfully, the water was pretty horrifying. Especially the ocean. The water stretched on for miles, pulled by the moon. It contained sea creatures that could eat people, and diseases that could spread. Alex hated anything to do with swimming or water, she couldn’t stand thinking of Michael, the Michael who drowned with water filling his lungs and eventually killing him. She couldn’t think of it without thinking of the thought of Ren drowning, a thought put into her head by the…

She hurried her face in Clarissa’s shirt, shuddering with disgust as her thoughts went on. She forgot about the island, for a few days, but now memories flooded back to her of loops and the past. It all got confusing and messed with her head if she tried to think of it, the feeling of being fully aware that she was looping, the filing of not being able to breathe.

She took a deep shuddering breath and felt Clarissa’s arms around her. Did she realize…? Alex didn’t want to ask, no one wanted to exactly talk about the island.

_~~No one really realized how hard it hit her.~~ _

“Alexandra.”

She opened her eyes, looking up at the girl who held her and comfort her. “Mmhm?”

It was evident that she was concerned for her as she held onto Alex’s shoulders as if to steady her if she were to suddenly collapse on her. Alex shook her head quickly, sitting up on her leg and taking Clarissa’s hands in her own. “I’m fine, just… thinking about…”

_The Island._

“Michael. Maybe I should go home…” She said softly as she got up steadily, realizing another one of her troubles she had to deal with sooner or later. It was just all so conflicting, and she felt like there was no one who she could turn to…

Well, there was one person.

She decided that she’d have to give him a call later.

Clarissa watched Alex for a moment, how she walked slowly as though shows trying hard to think of something. She stood up and grabbed her keys off the nightstand, then pulled her coat on. “I’ll drive you home, I’d feel better if you didn’t walk alone.” She said stubbornly, already prepared to fight back at any arguments she’d make. To Clarissa’s surprise, Alex nodded and muttered a quiet ‘thank you’ as she walked out of her room. Clarissa walked by her, opening the front door for her and walking out along with her. She closed the door, then walked to her truck and unlocked it, letting Alex get in. She sat in the passenger seat, fastening her seatbelt as the other started the car.

The drive to her house was agonizingly long, Alex continued to think of the drowning, the loops, Clarissa whenever she was possessed. She remembered the piercing crimson eyes she had, like freshly spilt blood on a white surface. Sneaking a glance at her, she could see her eyes were the same pretty pale brown she remembered. She turned her attention to the window, watching trees and houses pass by. Clarissa turned, then parked next to the side walk. Alex looked at her own home for a moment, then took Clarissa’s hand, just to hold it for a moment.

“Thanks. For everything… Um…”

Her hesitation was cut off by Clarissa, who pressed her lips against hers and pulled her as close as she could get. At that point, Alex didn’t care. She pulled away, then pulled herself into the drivers seat, kissing her again. It was dizzying and exciting for them both, until Clarissa pulled away, holding her head and looking at the front door. No one saw them. She hoped. “What if he…”

“I think right now I have more problems than that.” But in the back of Alex’s mind, the words kept repeating. The guilt was there again.


	3. chatting with friends

Alex sat down in the bustling diner, pulling her red jacket off and leaning back into the booth. It was a tiresome day, she went to see Clarissa, did her usual thing with her, dyed her hair again and then got ready to go have lunch with two of her closest confidants: Ren and Jonas. 

She readjusted her black scarf again, hoping that it covered the markings left behind by Clarissa. _Next time I really need to not let her do that, as good as it feels..._ Was all that she thought as she picked up the laminated menu. 

Her hunger wasn't provoked as she gazed at the pictures of hamburgers and fries, it was like a ball of guilt in her throat kept her from eating. The thought just continued to come back to mind, all the time she had been spending alone with Clarissa. It became hard for her to listen to Michael's happy talks about Clarissa, especially since he had wanted to go off and elope with her.

_He's going to hate you so much Alex..._

Suddenly she heard bickering from outside, and quickly turned her attention to the window. There were her two best friends, Jonas oddly calm and composed as he spoke while Ren seemed to be fuming about something. The two casually walked in, Jonas immediately waving to Alex with a tired smile. "-Cmon man, I really don't want to hear about how you should've passed that essay." Was all she heard from the conversation. The blonde seemed to brighten upon seeing Alex, then scurried over to hug her happily. 

"It's been a while since I've seen you!" He chirped, demeanor completely changing. She let out an amused laugh, embracing him with a smile. "It's been like a week Ren."

"Way too long!" She laughed at his protesting, shaking her head and standing up to hug Jonas. He softly chucked and hugged her, then took his seat across from her. Ren scooted his way by Alex, taking a look at his own menu. 

She felt like someone was staring at her. She looked up, almost meeting Jonas's gaze. She knew exactly what his attention was on, quickly fixing the scarf again. "Was that a hickey?" He asked, almost a little too loud. She shook her head quickly and glanced around, hoping no one else heard that. Feeling slight pressure on the bite mark, she swatted away Ren's finger, which had poked it as if it'd assure it was a hickey.

"Would you believe me if I said it wasn't?"

"Not a chance. So, uh..." It was evident he was trying to think of the right words, even piece together how she got it. "Who's the lucky person?"

"No one you know." She muttered as she readjusted the scarf and kept her eyes down. Ren looked at his finer, noticing a red smudged mark on it. "Is it bleeding?"

"No?"

Ren wiped his finger on a napkin, then looked to Jonas, about to become the Sherlock Holmes of Camena. "This is a very red lipstick then."

She looked at him with a quite confused look. "Uh huh." 

He narrowed his eyes an pointed at her, what he said next made her cheeks redden. "Either you got some with a waitress or Clarissa!" "N-no! Hey, a lot of people wear red lipstick! Could be from anyone!" 

"Yes, but! Clarissa wore red lipstick today, I saw her post a picture!" He claimed as she tried to deny it.

"Thats the stupidest conclusion ever!"

Jonas cleared his threat and leaned on the table. "Okay, Alex, did you really-"

"Yes, ok! It was her and I know it's wrong, don't lecture m-"

"I'm not going to?" He said, shaking his head. "I was just going to suggest maybe making sure Michael doesn't see that." 

It felt strange to her still, maybe she could lie and tell her dear brother she had a hook up with someone? ... Well he was still quite protective and she was sure if he even saw it he'd be taking names.

She spent most of the time in that diner pondering what to do, what had become the usual for herself. Was this all wrong? Why did she let her want overcome her common sense? Why did almost everyday seem to get more tiring as time passed? 

Why couldn't she answer any of her own questions?

Once again, she felt unsure and weary of the situations she was experiencing. It wasn't until the waitress had sauntered over to take their order she had looked at the menu again. "Hi, sorry for the wait, I'm sure you're ready to order so I'll take them down with your drinks." She pulled out a small notepad and looked to Alex first, waiting for a reply.

She handed her the menu quietly and pushed a few stray teal hairs back. "Just a side of fries and a large Coke. I'm not hungry." She told her, then let Ren and Jonas order. Once they all finished, Ren laughed softly and jabbed Alex's side playfully with his elbow. "Doin' cocaine? Get it? Cause Coke used to be made with cocaine?"

Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Hell no. Drugs are not my thing. I'd wear that one shirt from those stupid D.A.R.E rallies before I do that." She snickered and ruffled Ren's hair, getting a small complaint from him.

"You ate a pot brownie once." Jonas added to the conversation, curious about where it would go.

"Yeah? Once. You go through a pack of cigarettes in a week!"

"Hey! I can go through one in three weeks!" He tried to defend, slightly pouting. She started to laugh, closing her eyes tightly so she wouldn't have to see the look on his face. 

"It's still not good for you." Was all she could say after recovering from laughter. 

They all chatted about how their lives were going -Ren snooping at Alex's relationship with Clarissa mainly- while they waited for their food, which came surprisingly fast. Once they got their food, Alex slightly picked at the French fries, eating them slowly and staring out the window.

"Feeling okay?" She heard Jonas ask, his tone sounded concerned.

"Yeah. I've just been tired." She claimed as she stared at the endless blue sky, taking another bite of one of her fries.

Everything seemed normal for a moment, and she appreciated it. 

_Better to have some sort of normalcy than none._


	4. painfully helpful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uhhhh it's the chapter with drug use mentions, basically almost the whole chapter is about drug use. Just a little warning.

This was the first time she had done something like this, she was afraid it wouldn't be her last. She drove carefully on the road, midnight sky hovering above her. 

Clarissa had rested her head upon her shoulder, red hair scattered in strands. Alex had gently rubbed the blood from off of her nose, but was sure that wouldn't help her much. Sure, relieved she called her, but still vexed by what she did. 

The drowsy girl groaned, putting her hand over her nose as more dripped out. Alex bit her lip and tried to stay out of it. Better to lecture her when she's not in a drug induced haze...

This wasn't the first time.

Clarissa regularly went to parties, and she never stopped her from doing what she wanted. Soon she had discovered that Clarissa had been doing drugs, she didn't expect her to engage in that.

When she had called her, Alex was in her bed, sleeping. Well, not exactly sleeping. It was more like she was laying in bed, eyes shut tight as she tried to force her body into sleeping. The stress wouldn't let her though. 

When Clarissa called, she was relieved until she head the groggy voice, asking her to pick her up, and she was a sight to see once Alex saw her walk out of the house.

Blood ran out of her nose, sparking panic in her mind as she ran out of the car and to her aid. Hazily she recalled the red-head explaining in a solemn voice that she had did cocaine. Again.

Again? She didn't seem like the time of person to do any drugs, but then again...

Alex had ignored it for a moment, pulling Clarissa to her car safely and starting it up. Legally, she shouldn't be driving, but she knew how, and she sure didn't care because she had done it many times, going to pick up her brother when he had one-too-many. This was widely different, the pain showing in her eyes, the blood running out of her nose. She could tell that Clarissa hated doing it, but it was a easy temptation, something she wanted. Did she hate it then? Alex wasn't sure. 

So that's how they had gotten to that point, Clarissa begging Alex to just take her to her house, not wanting to deal with her own parents. Finally she had gave in, "Just sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on the floor." She offered, wrapping her free arm around her shoulders and holding her close. She wasn't prepared to go that far, share a bed with her. The two reasons were because of Michael and the fact Clarissa probably had too much drugs in her system. 

She was sober enough to know she didn't want to go home at least.

Once at home, Alex guided her inside gently, going to the backyard to go through the back. They went upstairs, Alex carefully pulling her up and ensuring that the stairs wouldn't creak. If Michael was home, she didn't want to wake him up by accident and hear him bicker with a not-so-sober Clarissa. She also didn't want her to get overworked and get mad at him, she kinda just hoped for the best. They made it to her room, she nudged the door open and let her lay herself on the bed. Alex grabbed a blanket and a pillow off her own bed, laying it on the floor and curling up.

Sleep didn't come. 

She kept her eyes closed until morning, it felt like forever. A small beeping noise came from her phone, alerting her that it was morning. She groaned as she sat up, turning off her phone and running her forehead. She heard a soft yawn from Clarissa, who had pulled a blanket over herself which was stained with some blood. Alex pulled herself onto the bed, laying by her and smiling. "You feeling better?" 

The red-head nodded sleepily, rubbing her eyes and pulling Alex onto her.

"God, it felt like fire ants crawled into my nose. Sorry I got blood all over your bed." She mumbled as she pet Alex's hair protectively. She fiddled with the teal stands, pulling some knots out.

"I don't mind, I needed to change the sheets and the blankets anyways. But seriously, need anything?" She asked quietly as she relaxed into her, head rested on her chest. 

"No, I just need you right here with me." 

"Awww, how sweet-"

"But I'm drinking your water." She said as she moved her arm away, picking up the half-full glass of water on the nightstand.

Alex yawned, curling up and shutting her eyes. Clarissa rubbed her back, taking a drink of the water and shivering. She placed it on the nightstand, then slid back onto the bed, holding Alex close and looking at the ceiling.

"I'm going to tell him."

Alex looked at her for a long moment, she knew Alex wanted to say something, the look in her eyes and the quiver of her lip gave it away. But she didn't say a word.

"Okay." She agreed shakily, laying back on Clarissa and staring up at her. 

"I hope it goes well..."

She pulled her chin up, pressing her lips against hers. It felt gentle, not as rough as they had been with each other lately when they had made out. 

During their bliss, there was no notice of the soft creak that Alex's door made as Clarissa grabbed her hips, kissing her more intently. 

~~~~~

 _Did she know he knew?_ Michael thought about it, tossed the thought in his mind back and forth while he paced around his room.

How did he not see it coming? It was similar to watching a barrel rolling down the hill through a camera close-up, obvious. 

Why didn't he feel angered over it? Sad even? Maybe some sadness was there, he could feel it in his chest, but it was easy to ignore as he thought it over again.

He knew that Alex wouldn't do this to hurt him purposely, it would be unheard of for her to do it! He knew very well, he had to live with her for 17 years. That gave him the melancholic reminder she was almost 18. He saved the thought for another time when he finally tried to think out clearly everything. 

First, he felt cross with Alex. The fact she was doing this and didn't think to at least tell him. She knew....

Well, he didn't know how she felt...

Then he felt angered slightly by Clarissa. Not only for the fact she had did this behind his own back, but also with his sister! His dear sweet sister! (Well, he knew that she wasn't too sweet and kind at times.) It annoyed him and he knew that he had to speak with her about it. 

He walked out of his room, sauntering out and looking around. He spotted bright teal against the dark brown couch from the stairs. Quickly he ran down, crossed his arms and looked at his younger sister. 

"So. I think I figured out something, and I'm very disappointed you didn't talk to me earlier."

She turned slowly to look at him, he saw on the side of her shirt a red blotch. He narrowed his eyes worriedly, then grabbed her shoulders. "What happened?" He asked quickly, almost completely forgetting about the situation.

"U-um... I uh.... I've been doing cocaine..." She quietly lied, hanging her head in false shame. If it'd spare Clarissa another thing to worry about, she'd gladly take it. 

His eyes widened, full of worry. "Alexandra! You know I'd support you fully if it was alcohol or weed, but this is worse!" 

Keeping quiet, she took his lecture. She nodded to show her attentiveness, letting him talk to her about how horrible it was for her system. "I-I'm sorry, I really am..." 

"I... I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just, don't. If you do it again I'm going to tell mom and dad." He advised, pulling away from his sister. He went back upstairs, figuring she had gotten enough lecturing from him for the day.

The rest could wait for another day, maybe he could forget about it. It wasn't that easy sadly...


	5. didn't mean it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me too long to write oops.

It was the end of summer, Clarissa was seated in the bed of her truck upon some blankets she had spread out. She flicked open her lighter, pulling out a cigarette and lighted it. Alex had curled up in one corner far from her while Michael sat right by her, staring at the glittering stars above them. There was a slightly cool breeze that made it chillier than it had been.

Michael coughed lightly, trying to break the thick silence between them. He saw his sister raise her head, looking to him tiredly. "We all need to talk."

"About what?" Alex yawned, staring at him. He watched as she laid back down, pressing her face into a plush blanket. It was hard to tell if she wasn't feeling good or if she was still ticked about what he had said the other day. 

He didn't have Clarissa's attention either. The red-head was focused solely on the cigarette between her fingers. He watched the wisps of smoke emerge from it for a moment. 

"I saw something the other day... Something I want to talk about with you both." Clarissa turned to him, slightly uneasy, but not jumping to conclusions just yet. He looked to Alex, who bit down on her lip and tried to hide the guilty look on her face. 

"I was going to ask you a question the other day Alex. I opened your door and I saw you and Clarissa..." 

Clarissa put out the cigarette as he said that. She sighed and rubbed her own arm, unsure of what to say. _If she was unsure, then Alex probably felt worse..._

"Yeah... Michael listen, I'm sorry... I just... can we talk about this while Alex isn't around? Please?" She pleaded softly, not wanting to accidentally screw up his relationship with his own sister. She already did enough to fuel it.

He looked to Alex and quietly nodded, he could deal with it later he supposed. Alex slowly got up as he agreed to the idea, going to sit in the truck so that they could speak privately. She didn't like the idea of Clarissa speaking to him about it alone but decided that it was no use fighting about it.

Alex watched them through the window in the back, she could easily tell her brother was being as relaxed as possible. If he was angry, he would've been quite tense and probably would've got up and walked away, but his shoulders were relaxed and he put her hand on Clarissa's shoulder. 

Alex slowly turned up the radio in the truck, trying to not focus on one of her many worries. She wondered if Clarissa would tell her she couldn't see her anymore because she wanted Michael to be happy. Alex guessed she would agree with it, but tears would be inevitable if so.

A knock on the window snapped her out of her worries, and she saw Michael delicately trying to get her attention. She opened the door and stepped out, heaving herself into the bed of the truck. He had a solemn smile on his lips, but if he was going to cry he didn't show it. 

"Alex, Clarissa said she really loves you... She said she does care for me still, but she wants to be with you and..." He paused for a moment, looking back to the girl he loved for what felt like a short while. "I don't know if you'll ever find someone like her that'll love you this much, so..." Alex hugged him, cutting him off completely. He hugged back, trying to be as cool and collected as possible. 

"I just want her to treat you right, okay?" He whispered softly into her ear, embracing her in the sudden silence. 

"Okay... Are you sure?"

"Yeah." They pulled away, and slowly Alex scooted to Clarissa, who seemed slightly guilty. Wrapping her arm around Alex, she pulled her close and looked to the stars.

Michael did the same, watching the stars. He just ignored them and conjured up in his mind the good in this new start.

~~~~~

"I think I'm going to go to the movies with Nona and Ren-Mm!" Clarissa pressed her lips against Alex's running her hands slowly up and down her hips. Alex closed her eyes, slipping her tongue in her mouth and trying to assert some kind of dominance against her. The red-head pulled away to take a breath, then said, "Can I come with?"

Alex rolled her eyes, grabbing her by the collar of her shirt. "Duh." She brought her back down to the kiss, resorting back to what she was doing before, legs wrapped around Clarissa's waist. 

Clarissa smirked against her lips, then continued, tasting the peppermint flavor of Alex's lipgloss on her lips. She finally pulled away, panting shallowly. She brushed her nose against Alex's cheek, making her laugh.

The two laid there sprawled out on Clarissa's bed (Since she wanted to not get caught by Michael- It was worse enough she had left him for Alex. Pretty evident). She pushed her blanket off when she sat up and smoothed out her shirt while Alex relaxed into the comforter.

"Your bed is comfy." 

"It'd be way more comfy with me on you."

"Clarissa!" 

The redhead smirked and caressed her cheek lovingly. "You know I'm kidding dear." She leaned close to her and pressed her lips to hers, slipping her tongue into her mouth and tempting her to do the same. The other gave in, divulging in the feeling of ecstasy. Slowly she pushed her shirt up, trailing her fingers over her bare skin and kissing her stomach, making her way up. 

Alex's eyes fluttered shut and she enjoyed how nice it felt, her lips warmly tracing up her stomach. Then she noticed the sound of the door opening and Clarissa quickly pulling away.

"Oh. Ohhhh..." Her eyes snapped open and she saw Nona at the door with Ren. Her dark eyes were wide while he tried to say something. 

Clarissa quickly pulled Alex's shirt down, even though she didn't care since she felt comfortable around them both... Until she thought of the situation again.

Shit.

"Having... fun?"

"More then you'll ever have." Alex giggled out, shaking her head while Clarissa pulled herself up and stood away from her bed. 

"Why'd you keep staring Reginald! Fuckin rude!" Clarissa griped to him, narrowing her eyes.

"Hey! It was way too surprising to see you making out with my best friend!" 

"How do you think I felt?" Nona laughed upon hearing Clarissa mutter back as she pulled her sweater on and sat by Alex. She stretched and slowly sat up by her, cheeks darkening from slight embarrassment. 

"Erm, so Clarissa said she wants to come with!"

"Do you guys want the seat where the employees can't see you?" Ren said mockingly, pure amusement on his face. Alex frowned and threw a pillow at him. "Nope! You'll need that seat more than I!"


	6. tired, tired, tired.

"Dinner has been awkward lately."

Clarissa tore her attention away from the smoke trailing out of her cigarette and gave it to Alex as she stared at her. For a moment it was hard understanding what she meant, but then she remembered what had happened. She gave Alex a pitying look, reaching over to take her hand. She gratefully let her.

"What's been happening?" She questioned softly, carefully rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand. It was mesmerizing, how she rubbed in circles and seemed to not be focused on doing it. 

Weakly, Alex managed to form a sentence as she thought of what had been happening each time she sat with her family and ate, forced to speak about how her day was. Right next to her brother. "Michael keeps giving me awkward looks, especially when my parents try to pry and ask how I'm doing with dating and all..." She let out a sigh and leaned back into the chair, body tense. Clarissa started to notice she was starting to get on edge more and more often.

The cigarette started to die out, so she threw it to the side and held onto Alex's hand. "Has he spoke to you since?" 

"... No. I understand completely why he wouldn't, I just... I miss him. I miss the Michael I could laugh with and the Michael who I could talk to... I miss my brother. Maybe..." 

It was really something she didn't want to admit. She closed her eyes tightly and hid her face in her hands, not crying. Even if she tried to force tears out, her eyes were entirely dry. Something told Clarissa to not touch her, let her slowly work out of her state and make the first move. 

"Everything..." Silence. "Everything is just so stressful...." The low chirps of the birds softened as the sky turned multiple hues of orange. Usually it was enjoyable when she got a chance to sit out with her, both enjoying the elements of the weather. But it was hard to enjoy knowing Alex's worries and the fact she didn't feel comfortable. 

Alex slowly reached for Clarissa's hand. She gently held onto her as she sat up, brushing her bangs out of her face. Clarissa pulled her hand away slowly, wrapping her arm around her and kissing her forehead. "It'll get better. If it doesn't we could always-"

"No, no we don't need to... He just seems so sad..." Clarissa nodded and rubbed her shoulder, taking her hand again and helping her up. "I get it. We just need to be a little more secretive about us then..."

That wasn't exactly what Alex wanted to hear, but she nodded. She wasn't even sure what she had wanted to hear. Clarissa gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and walked her into her house. Alex quietly followed, feeling slightly calmer knowing that Clarissa accepted the fact she knew that things were just a bit too awkward.

"I actually wanted to ask you something, since you're graduating next year."

"Mmhm?" Alex looked up at her while they walked into the mysteriously quiet house. They walked into the kitchen together, Clarissa letting go of her hand to grab a cup. Alex sat in a chair in front of the counter, watching her walk to the sink and fill the cup. 

"It's nothing too big. Just... I'm getting my own little apartment and... I wanted to know if you wanted to stay with me? I was just thinking maybe it'd help us with our relationship more." Alex smiled and traced her fingertips over the marble countertop. She shrugged and looked up to Clarissa, slightly shocked she was offering her something so big. 

"Actually... I think that would be nice for us. Like living like an old married couple. Well, one without retirement."

Clarissa laughed softly, forcing color to rush to Alex's cheeks. The laugh was gentle and sweet, making butterflies flutter in her stomach. Clarissa walked over, putting her hand over hers and sipping her water. Giving a good look over of Alex's face she noticed her embarrassment. She leaned close to her, placing a kiss on her lips. Alex accepted the kiss and slowly stood up. "Is that a possibly?"

Now it was her turn to laugh. She wrapped her arms around her and nodded her head against her chest. "If it wasn't I wouldn't have said it."

"Okay Miss Know-It-All!" Clarissa laughed with her, holding her close. 

"That's my name, don't wear it out." 

Clarissa took her hand again and set the cold glass down. She began to walk to her room, until the front door made a creaking noise. Alex quickly tore her own hand away and pretended to fix her bangs once a tall woman walked in. She made a sour face over to Clarissa and looked down at her phone. "Mom and dad aren't home?" She mumbled as she walked over to them and pushed her familiar red hair out of her face. She had a strong walk, high heels melodically clicking against the clean boards of the floor. 

Alex's head hurt while the sound resonated in her ears. 

Clarissa sneered and leaned against the wall with her shoulder, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. "I'm sure the reason why they aren't home is to avoid talking with you. Why are you here?"

The girl looked up and smirked to her sister, pushing her bangs out of her face once again. "I'm here because they told me to keep an eye on you."

"Listen Cordelia, I'm very, very tired. It's best to not mess with me right now." Clarissa gave a frustrated huff as she turned to walk away. Alex looked to Cordelia with a frown, then quickly followed Clarissa to her room. Once away from he watchful eyes of her sister, Clarissa tiredly fell back on her bed. Alex sat down by her, starting to stroke her silky red hair before she finally sat up.

"I hate her. She always acts like she's the 'better sister'." She leaned against her shoulder as she spoke, then continued tiredly. "It just really gets on my nerves." Alex wrapped her arm around her and gave her a warm smile, kissing her forehead gently. 

"Well, I might be biased here but I like you better."

There was a silence that made Alex wonder if maybe she had said something wrong, but relaxed upon hearing her familiar laugh. Alex giggled and kissed her again, causing her to get more flustered than she had been. "Alexandra! You're the reason why my face literally matches my hair!" 

"Well red is a good color on you." She teased, caressing her cheek with her thumb. All their worries seemed to wash away in the moment.


End file.
